Rob Judge, 1.19.10
The other day I found my mailbox stuffed with a padded envelope. As if a scene out of a James Bond-themed porno flick, I slit the envelope open to find a two pocket-sized bottles of lube and a note, “Hi Rob, Please find an enclosed Wet Platinum product sample.” Aside basking in the obvious benefits of writing a dating and sex column, the package (for my package) also got me thinking about the “necessities” every guy should carry when going out to meet women.
In The Game, Neil Strauss detailed a laundry list (pgs 79-81) of items he stuffed into his ridiculous man-purse for a night of “sarging.” But, since then, no one has written an informative list of helpful items every non-man-purse-wearing guy should have on his person when going out to paint the town awesome. For me, I travel light, only able to fit my player paraphernalia into the pockets of my jeans. As such, here is my list:
1. 15-stick slim pack of Winterfresh chewing gum — It’s said time and again, yet guys just don’t heed this advice: ALWAYS be chewing breath-freshening gum. At all times. With no exceptions. The advantage of Winterfresh is its long-lasting strength. One stick of Winterfresh gives you two or three solid hours of sweet-smelling breath.
Also, the 15-stick slim pack fits neatly into your side pocket, yet leaves you plenty of sticks to hand out to wingmen or “loan” to lady interests (loan will be “repossessed” by you later). Unlike other brands of gum, Winterfresh doesn’t get all squishy and gross if your body heat rises, which often happens when you spend the night grinding with a girl.
Bonus tip: Chewing gum also makes guys look more confident and relaxed. By concentrating on the rhythmic peristaltic motion of chewing, guys are less likely to fidget or spit when they talk. Winterfresh will make you more chill both figuratively and literally.
2. Two Trojan condoms — Again, this seems like it should go without saying, but too many guys don’t think to pack condoms. Let’s face it: you never know when sex will happen. I’ve heard more than one epic fail story where a guy blew a steamy moment for lack of a contraceptive. If you’re serious about getting girls, pack condoms.
However, don’t be the guy from the Snoop Dogg video, unraveling a role of condoms with a sleazy smile. Have some class. If you’re ambitious and plan on packing more than two condoms, disperse them throughout your body. Put a few in your jean pockets, in your shirt pocket, in your sock, etc. Nothing will freak out a girl more than a guy who pulls out buttload of condoms (although, it’d probably make for a hilarious comedy skit.)
Bonus tip: Paul Janka made an interesting point in his book Attraction Formula that the packaging on Durex condoms will not open if your hands are covered in spit or lube. He recommends using Trojan condoms, as the foil wrapper is easy to open even if you have “slippery” fingers.
3. Something to establish rapport with people — Anyone who’s read my other articles probably knows I don’t advocate “props” or gimmicks to get a girl’s attention. So while you should leave the rune reader and kryptolight necklace at home, it does help to have one item you can whip out and discuss. Ideally, this item should have some significance in your life. For example, I have paper money from every country I’ve visited over the last decade. Whenever I talk to girls about traveling, I usually show them the money. Often it creates great conversation because we can laugh over the hilarious-looking people on the foreign currency (i.e. the dude on the Polish zlotych has an outrageous mustache).
You, too, probably have one small item that has meaning in your life. Whether it’s a digital camera full of pictures (and no, not pictures of you with babes in bikinis), a ticket stub, or a lucky charm, it always helps to have one item ready for “show and tell.”
4. “Motivation” juice — For any guy who plans on macking the night away, it helps to recharge your batteries at some point. While bars offer caffeine-saturated drinks and alcohol, why bother spending that money? That’s why I started bringing my “motivation” juice along with me. Depending on my mood, I sometimes pack a can of sugar-free Red Bull, a protein bar and almonds, or sometimes even a few miniature bottles of booze. Whenever you feel you need a “boost,” dig into your supply and give yourself a little shot of “motivation” juice.
5. Bottle of Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide — Admittedly, this is a new addition to my pocket stash, but already I want to make it a staple. The major advantage of Wet Platinum over KY is the ergonomic packaging. The bottle is small enough to fit conspicuously into your pocket, yet offers enough lube for a Greek sex orgy. Having “tested” the product this weekend, both my “test partner” and I agreed the lube is better than KY. It applies smooth, like a liquid moisturizer, and feels like a combination of spit, Vaseline, and heaven. Definitely pick up a bottle and see for yourself.
So the next time you head out, pack up. Don’t be the guy who finds himself stranded at the nightclub with bad breath, nothing to talk about, no condoms, no energy, and no lube. That will certainly also mean no girls. Assemble your pimp pouch long before you ever step to the ladies. And, if you’re a company with more product samples, send them to Rob Judge a la James Bond-themed porno!